Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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