At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
