I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
