Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
