I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
