I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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