I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
