I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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