your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
