uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
