So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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