You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
