im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it hurts more in the daytime
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So. Much. Porn.
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