Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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