i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
