Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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