Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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