Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
