then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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