You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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