Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
