So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
