If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
