I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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