Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
