Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
