im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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