I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
