they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
