it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
