Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
