Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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