When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
