haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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