Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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