im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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