did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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