Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
