The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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