dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
