so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
