Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
