I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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