Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
