This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
