i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
