PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
