is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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