he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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