I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
