Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
