What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
