hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
