I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
