so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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