By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
